Tell her she can't have a vagina
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
