what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
