That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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