i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
