I love black thongs
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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