Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
