morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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