I met the friendliest cop last night
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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