We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
