I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
