I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He did a backflip because drugs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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