should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
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I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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