I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
