My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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