then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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