woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
