Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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