Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need to calm my uterus...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
