I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
