Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The air was thick with penises
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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