I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
