If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
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A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
wow bdsm is so cute
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