my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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