Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
