Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
