I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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