i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's Friday. Sex?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
