I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
