I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
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