I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
