Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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