I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
