She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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