I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
