Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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