yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
