I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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