yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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