I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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