Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
