I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
