belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
