Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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