Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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