Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
