Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
