I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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