i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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