So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
