I must be too annoying 4 u.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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