Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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