i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
two words...techno handjob
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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