dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
