kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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