Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
