i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
