I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
