The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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