Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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