He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
