she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
