Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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