Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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