dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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