dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
