so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
