I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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