thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
