Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize