Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize