Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
