i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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