I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
