just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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