thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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