He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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