We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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