Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
