Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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