Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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