you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
