Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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