Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize