when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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