At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
