omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
