just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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