Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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